Count to 10.
Pound a pillow.
Go in your car and scream.
If you try to manage your anger using these techniques and they don’t help, it’s not because you’re doing them wrong. It’s because the techniques themselves are outdated. We have learned more and evolved since the 1970s!
The problem with mainstream anger management techniques is that the end goal is to control or contain your anger, rather than to heal or to resolve the problems your anger has tried to bring to your attention.
If you try to manage your anger, all you’ll do is temporarily stem the overflow of emotions until the next time your buttons get pressed.
Emotional health requires that anger be processed and digested, or it’ll keep recycling and resurfacing.
Anger is an emotional energy that resides in our body-mind until it runs its course. Your anger can teach you about yourself––what’s important to you, what your sensitivities are, where your boundaries lie––but you have to listen to it to learn anything. If you can catch the internal signal or clue that anger is on the way, you can switch to a mindset of curiosity and self-investigation about what your anger is trying to say.