Unhealthy responses to anger can form an infinite loop: small disagreements erupt into full-blown fights and fights end with slammed doors and hurt feelings. This may be hard to believe, but the conflict itself is actually good for your relationship. The problem is how you and your partner handle conflict.
Conflict is a great way – perhaps the best way – to learn about your partner.
Think of each argument as a little gateway into the mind: what issues are most important to him? Where are her sensitivities? When you learn how to fight productively, you can walk away from a disagreement feeling closer and more in love.
The key to ending the infinite loop of anger building on anger is learning how to talk to each other. You have needs and feelings and your partner has needs and feelings and they aren’t mutually exclusive. In order to fight productively, you need to learn how to communicate effectively.
1. Build in time for communication when necessary.
It’s hard to express yourself honestly and openly when you’re afraid someone else is watching or listening. If there’s something that’s bothering you, agree on a time and a place where you two can talk. Give yourself at least an uninterrupted half hour. That means no phone calls or texts or emails and no TV on in the background.
Continue reading How To Make Fights Work FOR Your Relationship (Not Against It) at MindBodyGreen.